i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
