it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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