He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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