I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
