We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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