Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
