I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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