From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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