Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
