I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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