I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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