well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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