so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sext me about skeletons
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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