p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
