Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
