so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
