He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
