We're like a lot better than the average bears
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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