I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
