well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize