I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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