May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
