Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
