Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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