I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
