I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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