My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
