Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
