I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
