He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
