I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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