Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
