I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
