He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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