my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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