when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
