Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
