Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
