this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just had sex on a roof
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
