I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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