glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
