Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
