I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
