It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
