How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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