i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
