Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
