You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
