I could have mohawked her pubes.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
