it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
