nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
