she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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