This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
40s are totally the cure
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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