My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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