i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
