Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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