like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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