I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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