My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
